First of all, I want to say THANK YOU! The initial response to my blog has been positive! The hopes and dreams I have for this blog are major and I want to take this time out and thank you for reading and supporting it! You all make it easier to do this and for me, it is the most fun I have had writing about something since high school. :) So, if you keep on supporting, I'll keep writing!
Last week, I had my mid year evaluation for my career. In a nutshell, my supervisor and I meet twice a year to evaluate my progress on the job and we set goals on what I can do to be better at my job. One part of it is your peers evaluating you on your job performance and if you are "living up to the values" of the job. These peer responses are submitted anonymously so you don't know who submitted what. When my supervisor and I came to this part of the evaluation, most of the comments were good and my peers agreed I was making the appropriate progress. However, one peer (it is always one...haha) commented that I was not a team player due to one incident that occurred. When my supervisor read this comment, she asked if I recalled when it happen. Me, sitting in her office dumbfounded, told her no. Now mind you, the review had being going great all along and this moment happens. It was like it was in a still moment of time.
In the end, she reviewed all the rest of comments, which were great and we concluded the evaluation. However, even after the evaluation, and after majority of it was positive feedback, I could not help but wonder who would make such a comment. It was like the person who made the comment was speaking about someone else instead of me. When the comment played over and over in my head, different thoughts plagued my mind..."who would say such a thing?" "Do they have something against me?" These thoughts began to manifest themselves into the supposed actions I, in my mind, would take. "Well....I'm going to find out.." And "I bet the person who said that is trying to cover up for something they did." Eventually, I told others about my evaluation and how that comment disturbed me. Then, I came to the realization..."Barbara, get out of your way!"
This is not the first this has happened to me. In fact, today while I was sitting in church and my pastor was preaching, something he said bought me to tears because it was such a big "a-ha!" moment. He was discussing how when we are talking to God in prayer and how we, as God's children, have to approach Him like he is our Father and ask for things. In the instant he said that, my thoughts immediately went to my dad and how he is always telling me if I need anything, to ask. My pastor then went on to explain how his daughter asked for money for her school books and she said "I hate to ask you this but..." My pastor's reply to his daughter was "I'm ok with you asking. I'm your father and when you ask, I will provide. It only breaks my heart when you ask and I can't provide for you."
These examples I point out show how my stubbornness and pride can get in the way of blessings and rewards that I can reap. It also shows how the lesson of an experience can be missed because I can focus on a miniature aspect of it instead of the whole concept. That's why I had to tell myself to get out of my own way. I cannot let minor things that happen to me affect my whole being.
With that being said, even though the comment that one person stated was negative, I cannot let it bring me down and let it effect me emotionally. Instead, I have to take it and prove that person wrong about me not being a team player. I also cannot let my pride rule me and not ask for things I need. I need to put more positive action into my being and get out of my own way instead of sulking in a bulk of negative emotion.
How about you? Are there some things you may be dealing with and you have to "get out of your own way" to prevent self destruction? In what ways are you learning how to deal with it? I will love to hear from you all on this! Feel free to comment!
I have a few days off this week so keep tuning in to see what I blog about next! Happy reading! Feel free to share on social media!
Learning how to get out of my own way,