Happy Memorial Day weekend everyone!

I hope everyone is enjoying themselves and the sunshine!

Also remember the true reason behind this holiday as a day of remembrance for the fallen and ones who still serve.

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Have you ever had a moment in time where it was just pure bliss? That moment was just so perfect--even if it was a brief moment--you didn't want it to end.

I've had several moments like that the past few months--a lovers embrace, a simple touch, or points of celebration-- like a wedding or hearing your best friend's good news and sharing in their success.

I had a moment like that with a patient recently. When she first came to the unit, she was not in her right mind. Not only did she have an altered mental state but she also had cancer that basically took over her body.

In the moment that she was finally coming to, she smiled at me and mentioned to be how she thought the top I had on was beautiful. I paused and smiled. In that moment, I realized that she was more than just a patient as I was more than just a nurse. We shared a moment that I realized she was a human being and it broke my heart to see her suffering from a disease that was killing her. It was unfair because in that moment, I saw the beauty of her human spirit.

With that patient, I had a stolen moment that I'll never forget. I'm so thankful and blessed to have these moment, especially in this chaotic world we live in. I encourage you all to go out and be appreciated with those who love you. Be present in the current time. Time is too short to live for all big moments---enjoy the small and stolen moments.

Top three things!

1-God

2-red velvet cake

3-my birthday next weekend! ^_^

Feel free to share this! See you all next post.

Be blessed!

Barbara

Happy Monday everyone!

First off, congratulations to everyone who graduated from college this past weekend! Above, I completed the same accomplished a year ago. I cannot believe it has already been a year! Time is flying.

I have been doing a lot of reflection lately. Seeing my friends complete that accomplisent reminded me of how hard I worked, cried, and went all in to complete my degree. So...there is a lot to celebrate!

I'll also be closing in on a year having my license and working at my chosen employee site soon. All I'm thinking about is "dang! Already?!" I guess I've been grinding so hard this far and I'm already looking ahead.

I have started looking ahead to what other opportunities I can take to advance in my career. Grad school, board certification, and other options have been popping up in my mind. Colleagues have been asking what I want to do. They are as well looking into different opportunities.

Whatever I decide to do, first I hope it is in God's will. In the back of my mind, I have believed this since I first got saved at 12, that's what I want but I haven't been serious about it until now. Secondly, I know I'll have the support of many and I'm glad about it. Finally, I want to be in tune that what I'll do with help others as it'll help me. I don't want to do anything just because. There will be a purpose and intent to do whatever it may be to move forward.

I'll like to hear from you. What accomplishment has you determined to move forward? It could your children, graduation, promotion, relationship, etc.

To close out, here are 3 things I'm thankful for:

1-God's grace and mercy

2-oatmeal (:

3-my family who supports me--and who is helping me move my loveseat and chair in soon! Yay!

Feel free to share on social media!

Always,

Barbara ^_^

Happy Tuesday all!

First off, I owe you all an apology. I have had a busy last few weeks with work and balancing out my personal life. Whenever I wanted to blog, it would seem like something would interfere with it and the blog would get put off. I am truly working hard to make this blog a priority because I truly enjoy it. Thanks again for being patient with me!

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Anyway, this topic I have been thinking about for weeks now--just haven't had the right amount of time to blog it until now. It's ironic because this topic I am going to discuss my pastor made part of his message this past Sunday.

I have been doing a lot of reflecting lately. I have also been taking a close look into my mirrors around the house lately--particularly at myself. When I look at myself, questions arise such as "who do I see? Do I reflect the type of woman I want others to see me as? Do I feel confident?"

As I stare at my reflection, I kind of get mesomerized. It's funny how one can drift off into deep thought by really focusing on what you truly see--yourself.

With my reflection, I noticed how some things have changed and how some stay the same. For example, outwardly, I pretty much look the same as I did as a kid--just with kinkyer hair and a face that needs some moisturerizer. Other than that, not a lot of outward changes--and I thank God for that! ^_^ however, staring at my reflection, I see how I have changed.

It's funny how the stuff I did last year, last month, even last week--I don't do anymore. The things I did possibly in my high school/college days don't fully describe the woman I am today. however, because of those things, I'm a better woman. Trust me , I have my own kinks to work out but that's what makes me, me. I truly appreciate how fearfully and wonderfully made I am.

If you ask me who I want to be better than, I want to be better than myself yesterday. I should not have to be in competition with anyone else. I can admire whoever I chose but it makes no sense to try to copy their traits and charcateristics especially if I myself are not endowed with the gifts they are. What since does that make to be a copy of something than an original?

At 25, I know there is still learning to do but I am so thrilled for the things I've learned and experienced so far. I'm excited about my future because I know the best is yet to come. As I look into the mirror, as long as I am running my own race and connected to the right people and things, I am going to win in the end!

I would love to hear from you all! What do you see whenever you look into the mirror? Are you in competition with yourself or with someone else? What things are you working on to improve yourself? Remember, you are the only thing you can truly control.

Feel free to share on FB, instagram, twitter, etc!

Oh! And the three things I am thankful for/went well for today:

1. I got to understand a characteristic of God.

2. I had a decent night at work.

3. Happy conversations ^_^

I love you all and there is nothing you can do about it!

Barbara

Happy Wednesday everyone! (At least what's left of it!)

I have to admit....I had a mostly great day today. It was in the 80s in Bull City today and a great day for lunch with my colleagues and to hang pool side with them. It was lovely to get to hang out with them outside of work. In fact, hanging out with then inspired this blog. I hope they read this! :)

At poolside, we discussed our future aspirations. In fact, some of them are working on their aspirations now. They are also making plans for great trips and such. With all of this talk, it kind of made me envious.

I also felt some type of way going into church. When I go, I usually get into the mood by playing praise music and I just couldn't get into the spirit. I went to church...and I tell you the message was meant for me.

At one point of the message, my pastor was telling the congregation about how we can hear about the things going on in others lives and we can we either be envious or we can look at ourselves and figure out how to make ourselves better.

It was a big eye opener to me and it was the truth I needed to hear. Instead of being envious of my co-workers, I have to focus on myself and figure out how to make me better--a better nurse, daughter, friend, sister, and most importantly a daughter of God.

So to the ladies of 43, if you are reading this--know that you all inspire me to do better and be better. Know that I will be cheering you on as you all accomplish your dreams and aspirations!

For now, you inspire me to run my own race and to play the role I know God has planned for me.

Feel free to share this on social media!

Love you all!

Barbara ^_^

Happy Sunday everyone!

Anyone else's bracket busted? Surprisingly for me, I got an FB message from my co-worker that I was in the running and still had teams that are still destined for the final four. Yay me! That may change after today's games...I'll keep y'all posted!

Anywho, I know I said I need to get better about posting more. I'm trying! I'll try harder...thank you all for being so patient with me!

Anyway, over the weekend, I took a trip back to my hometown. Seeing the town now as an adult, I can barely believe my eyes. Usually when I go home, I'm visiting my family there. This happened to be the case as well when I went back. I went out to some stores with my mom to get things for my apartment and we both made the same revelation, we could not move back now...especially in the state of lives now.

But that wasn't the biggest revelation for me. The simple fact that I was able to spend time with my aunts, mom, cousins, and grandma was so precious...it almost made it seem like it was a rarity and sadly, it seems to be the way of life now.

I understand people have to build their own lives but I don't want to get to the point where I'm so busy building my life that I build walls blocking people off. When I was driving into work yesterday, I realized that I have been doing that...and somewhat intentionally too.

I cried a little bit because that is not the person I want to be...so alone and destitute that no one...not even family could reach me. I'm not saying I want to be a complete open book but I do want to return to the openness that I had instead of the focused minded person that I've become that is not even me at all.

So, i will now focus on the good of my days instead of the bad. I noticed that I have tons of notebooks from my college days so now, I will start writing tonight at least 3 things that went well today....well, I'll post it now and I would love to hear from you the 3 things that went well for you today. I hope this inspires you to really see the good of your day and to see how blessed your life really is.

1-I woke up,I'm alive, I'm still blessed. Thank you God!

2-I got a text from a friend--glad to be maintaining this friendship for several years.

3-I had a day off today--especially after a rough shift from work.

I hope to hear from you all soon!

Feel free to share on social media!

IG: ladi_layce

Twitter: ladi_layce

FB: http://www.facebook.com/ladilayce

With love and blessings,

Barbara ^_^

Happy Sunday everyone!

First off, I want to apologize for not writing. I know when I started this blog, I stated a goal of three postings a week. From this point forward, I will work even harder to achieve that. I felt like I have been given half effort to do so in the past but I believe I have renewed focus to achieve this goal now. There have been days that I knew I wanted to blog but did not put the correct amount of effort to do so. I also do not want to blog for the the sake of blogging but actually put out meaningful content for your reading pleasure. To those who have supported my efforts thus far, THANK YOU!!! To those who are new to my blog, I welcome you and hope you continue to check in!

As for this post, I have been thinking about what I wanted to say about the present state of time. If you have been following along, I've discussed the past and future with you all. Now it is time to talk about my present. To be honest, I've struggled with how I was going to approach this topic. I've felt like the past and future were so easy to talk about because it was events that have already occurred and events that have yet to happen. However, talking about what is going on now is difficult because I feel like there is a lot and nothing going on. Then, I remembered the above caption posted on the wall of the church I attend. I knew this is what I wanted to incorporate into my blog because it describes perfectly my current state of being.

When I say a lot and nothing is going on currently in my life, this is what I mean. Currently, I work as a registered nurse at a university hospital setting. A lot happens on my job on a day to day basis. The interactions I have with various types of people that seem normal to me are just about completely chaotic in the everyday world. However, to me, it has almost become completely routine in my line of work. Outside from my career, I attend church, cook, clean, blog, and do other various activities to balance out my "normal" not so normal chaotic work life. So in a sense, there is the a lot part kicking in. I also have days, like yesterday, where nothing is happening---that is nothing too strenuous. Yesterday, the most productive thing I did was wash dishes. I did not cook, do too much cleaning, nor did I hardly answer any phone calls. In fact, I did it on purpose. I actually had a day to myself and watched my shows, pigged out, and enjoyed my state of being almost alone.

Ever since I have started back attending church, I have learned that when it looked like I may to up to nothing, God is always up to something. No matter how alone I want to make myself or secluded I want to be, it does not necessarily mean the grinds of my mind aren't clicking or that I have a true 'off' day...there is something going on. It may not be physically--it could be spiritually, financially, emotionally, and/or socially .

With me saying all of this, it brings me to the caption that I've posted---having that balance of victory for a God designed life. I believe in this moment, it is what I am trying to achieve and to be honest, the process is a lofty one. I do not want to be successful in one area of my life--I want to be successful in all areas of my life.

When people think of success, most may think of material success--cars, money, bling, etc. While those things are nice, they only reflect success in one aspect of a person's life. Just because you're financially stable, doesn't necessarily mean you are relationship/socially stable. And just because you may be book smart doesn't mean you are spiritually stable. I have seen countless people have success in one area that does not spill over to other aspects of their lives.

I know there are areas in my life that need to be worked on so that I can have complete success in my life. That is one of the many reasons I got back involved in church. For me personally, I saw how far God could take me if I just trusted Him. I am so thankful my parents saw that in me at a young age even when I didn't understand it. (I will speak more on this in a later blog post.)

So, presently, if you start to see changes in my life, know this--I am working on becoming a better me--in all aspects of my life. I have been looking up so many projects, things, etc and trying to figure out how to balance it out so I can have the life that He promised me more exceedingly and abundantly. Also, if you see me stop doing some things, it is because it is time for me to move on from those things in order to move into something greater.

In closing, I hope this post inspires you to be a better you then you were yesterday, last week, last month, or even last year. I am saying not you have to make drastic changes but evaluate the small things you can do without and change them into better habits. Once you do that, you'll be surprised at what you can accomplish!

Let me hear from you! What things are you doing currently that inspire you? What are things you want to do currently but have not quite figured out how to do it? What are the things you want to give up so you can do something better? I would love to hear your comments!

Thanks for reading! See you next post!

With love,

Barbara ^_^

Happy Sunday everyone! If you are in NC, I hope you got out to enjoy the beautiful weather today!

In my last post, I talked about stuff I found that invoked certain memories and talked about how my past shaped me into the woman I am today. Today, I wanted to spend some time talking about the future. The funny and circular thing about it I have to talk about my past to propel me to my future. Let me explain.

As I stated, I was looking at stuff that I had when I was moving and it sparked memories. I did the same thing with the photos in my phone and I came across the above photo. I wrote this list out months ago before I graduated from college. It was some ideas of things I wanted to do in the future. I also found another photo list I wrote in my phone and it stated the things I wanted to find in a city and career. Again, I wrote this list months ago, before I graduated.

To be completely circular, I also found a physical list I wrote down of goals I wanted to accomplish in a year. I found this list in a journal and I looked at it and found that I have accomplished almost half of the list. I was pretty stoked and in awe.

The point of it all was in reality, we truly do not know what our futures hold. However, we can plan ahead and get to our goals with a start of an idea.

As I stated in my first blog post, this blog was an idea/thought I had months ago. Now, it's a reality. It is truly amazing what your mind can come up with. However, people may not act on their ideas/thoughts due to a fear, which in reality, it's a thought blocker.

My point is do not let fears hold you back from your future. Write out those crazy ideas, dreams, goals, etc. Who knows? You may be one thought/idea from something that can bring you true happiness, prosperity, peace!

I would love to hear from you! What things do you do to try to shape out your future? Do you plan out things or fly by the seat of your pants?

Feel free to share on social media!

Also, I have all of my Wednesdays off this month so I'll be posting then! At least that is one guarenteed day!

Be blessed!

Barbara ^_^

About a month ago, I moved from one place to my very own place. As I was packing and unpacking, I found stuff that I forgot I had and stuff that brought up events from my past.

Some of those things were good memories such as the stuff I did in college, the high school events I attended or participated in, and some awards and other things I earned. Some of the things were funny. I actually still have some of the letters my friends back then when we would write back and forth to each other. Reading them makes me laugh and think "why on earth were we talking about that?" Other things I found were memorable. I have stuff from vacations I've been on. I also have stuff from old boyfriends that for whatever reason I can't bear myself to get rid off. (I need to work on that!) Finally, I have stuff that reminds me of times that were not so sunny and pleasant and I keep it to remind of where I came from.

In this present time at the place I am in my life, it can be all so easy to get caught up or swept away with the events of my life and the challenges and trials I face. I could also get all mighty and arrogant because I know that there are some people who aren't doing the things I'm doing who are my age and even those who are older. However, I choose not to go that route and try hard to stay humble. In the day and age that we live in, one could get easily carried away and then end up lost and wonder where did it all go. I admit, I've had times in my life where I wasn't humble or as giving as I could of been and in the end, I was the one who ended up hurt. However, I believe that is why this move and the things I looked at from my past helped me realize that yes I did make mistakes, yes, I did had good memories, but in the back of my mind I say, "look how far you have come."

In the end, my past helped mold me. It took me from glory to glory. I'm proud to say that I'm not bitter about it but glad about it. The good thing about my past is that I can make peace with it and not dwell on it so much that it robs me of my present and future. I can live and know that I have built a foundation and continue to grow from it.

I believe as long as you're growing and moving forward, there is no limit what you can do. Do not get so caught up in your past life that it destroys what can happen now and in the future. It is okay to look back and let it build you for better and not break you.

I would like to hear from you. How has your past, regardless of how it was, has impacted the person you are today? Are you determined to let it build you? If you feel like your past has started or has been breaking you, let me know and I'll pray that God will turn your ashes into beauty.

On the next few posts, I will be talking about the future and the present.

Feel free to share on social media!

Be blessed!

Barbara <3 ^_^

Happy Wednesday everyone!

First off, thank you all for your comments! I appreciate your feedback and presence. I find it refreshing regardless of what profession, study, or skill set you all may have, we can find common ground in the topics I choose to discuss. Thank you for keeping things positive. I appreciate it and look forward to more interaction and staying connected.

This blog post I dedicate to the patient I lost....unexpectantly.

Last night started off almost like any other night. I passed my meds, did my assessments, charted like a boss, and made myself comfortable at the nurses station...waiting for the last 4 hours of my shift to pass. Some other things occurred on the floor that happened to my colleagues but nothing much beyond our control.

Around 3 AM, I heard my patient start to cough and call out for help. Fortunate for my patient, their room was beside the nurses station and I was able to assist them promptly. Little did I know, it'll be the last time I saw them alive.

Now mind you, I was in the patients room laughing, caring for their needs, their family members were present earlier and we were laughing, passing along jokes, hopefully preparing this patient for discharge. No one expects anything to happen. In my profession, that expectation can change in a instant.

When I saw my patient in distress, I called my charge nurse in the room. In the last moment of my patients life, they had one request. I wiped their mouth. Little did I know, CPR, intubation, and a flood of people were about to immerse.

Thinking about all the chaos that occurred in those moments, the rush of emotions and adrenaline that flowed through me, the fact that I just did and did everything to try to literally save their life was the one of the reasons I became a nurse. Even though the patient lost their life, it seemed like mine was impacted and saved.

There is a theory that when one person loses their life, another life is born. Today is the day that I get re- baptized. I remember earlier in the night, i mentioned it to another patient and they told me how they could tell that Christ resided in my life.

With the patient I lost, I knew that Christ resided in their life as well. The light of Christ shined though their life and radiated. To me, it just becomes all full circle.

In the midst of it all, after the transfer to ICU, to the code they performed in a last attempt, it just all becomes surreal and real in the moment.

To my patient and their family, I am grateful that I was able to care for you. I know there is nothing I can say to bring you back but I just want you to know, the impact you had on my life will not be forgotten--ever.

On the eve of my baptism, as I transition from life to the next, I look forward to a life of even more clarity and without fear. I look forward to caring for patients in a way I never had before, and I look forward to doing everything and pushing more limits because I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

To my patient, I will see you again.

To you all who are reading this, thank you.

My life has been restored. Onward to my future.

I walk into a patients room, introduced myself and explained to him that I'll be his nurse. The next thing that came out of his mouth was "I'm sorry but you don't look old enough to be a nurse."

Granted, I don't look my stated age but don't disqualify me. Have you ever felt disqualified or judged due to your appearence? How about if you applied for a job, house, car, etc and were overlooked by the person due to how you presented yourself?

Whenever you think nurse, do you believe that we are managed by the doctors? Do you think the media portrays as accurately?

More importantly, do you believe everything you see? Do you believe in the quote "seeing is believing?"

I admit, there have been times in my life where I thought seeing is believing and have told others "well, I believe it when I see it". It was like I needed to have visual evidence to be validated. In all truth, did I deserve the validation? Answer: yes and no. I only deserve if the person providing me the validation is receiving the validation themselves. They should not give me the visual evidence to only satisify me.

So when the patient stated that I did not look 'old' enough to be his nurse, I had to agree but I validated him and myself when I stated "I know I don't look old enough but I'm more than qualified to work as one."

As far as nursing goes, no, we aren't just managed by doctors. We have a nurse manager, who is a nurse themselves, and manages us. Granted, we follow the doctors (and other health care professionals) orders but you'll be surprised with how much of your care is managed by us nurses.

Also, please don't believe everything you see in the media about nursing. My profession is more diverse and sophisticated than what the media may lead onto.

I would like to hear from you. Do you feel judged by how you look or what others may think because of what they see? Remember, not all seeing is believing. You do not know that person's struggle or what they went through to get to where they are.

Thank you for reading! See you next post!

Feel free to share on social media!

Always,

Barbara