About a month ago, I moved from one place to my very own place. As I was packing and unpacking, I found stuff that I forgot I had and stuff that brought up events from my past.

Some of those things were good memories such as the stuff I did in college, the high school events I attended or participated in, and some awards and other things I earned. Some of the things were funny. I actually still have some of the letters my friends back then when we would write back and forth to each other. Reading them makes me laugh and think "why on earth were we talking about that?" Other things I found were memorable. I have stuff from vacations I've been on. I also have stuff from old boyfriends that for whatever reason I can't bear myself to get rid off. (I need to work on that!) Finally, I have stuff that reminds me of times that were not so sunny and pleasant and I keep it to remind of where I came from.

In this present time at the place I am in my life, it can be all so easy to get caught up or swept away with the events of my life and the challenges and trials I face. I could also get all mighty and arrogant because I know that there are some people who aren't doing the things I'm doing who are my age and even those who are older. However, I choose not to go that route and try hard to stay humble. In the day and age that we live in, one could get easily carried away and then end up lost and wonder where did it all go. I admit, I've had times in my life where I wasn't humble or as giving as I could of been and in the end, I was the one who ended up hurt. However, I believe that is why this move and the things I looked at from my past helped me realize that yes I did make mistakes, yes, I did had good memories, but in the back of my mind I say, "look how far you have come."

In the end, my past helped mold me. It took me from glory to glory. I'm proud to say that I'm not bitter about it but glad about it. The good thing about my past is that I can make peace with it and not dwell on it so much that it robs me of my present and future. I can live and know that I have built a foundation and continue to grow from it.

I believe as long as you're growing and moving forward, there is no limit what you can do. Do not get so caught up in your past life that it destroys what can happen now and in the future. It is okay to look back and let it build you for better and not break you.

I would like to hear from you. How has your past, regardless of how it was, has impacted the person you are today? Are you determined to let it build you? If you feel like your past has started or has been breaking you, let me know and I'll pray that God will turn your ashes into beauty.

On the next few posts, I will be talking about the future and the present.

Feel free to share on social media!

Be blessed!

Barbara <3 ^_^

Happy Wednesday everyone!

First off, thank you all for your comments! I appreciate your feedback and presence. I find it refreshing regardless of what profession, study, or skill set you all may have, we can find common ground in the topics I choose to discuss. Thank you for keeping things positive. I appreciate it and look forward to more interaction and staying connected.

This blog post I dedicate to the patient I lost....unexpectantly.

Last night started off almost like any other night. I passed my meds, did my assessments, charted like a boss, and made myself comfortable at the nurses station...waiting for the last 4 hours of my shift to pass. Some other things occurred on the floor that happened to my colleagues but nothing much beyond our control.

Around 3 AM, I heard my patient start to cough and call out for help. Fortunate for my patient, their room was beside the nurses station and I was able to assist them promptly. Little did I know, it'll be the last time I saw them alive.

Now mind you, I was in the patients room laughing, caring for their needs, their family members were present earlier and we were laughing, passing along jokes, hopefully preparing this patient for discharge. No one expects anything to happen. In my profession, that expectation can change in a instant.

When I saw my patient in distress, I called my charge nurse in the room. In the last moment of my patients life, they had one request. I wiped their mouth. Little did I know, CPR, intubation, and a flood of people were about to immerse.

Thinking about all the chaos that occurred in those moments, the rush of emotions and adrenaline that flowed through me, the fact that I just did and did everything to try to literally save their life was the one of the reasons I became a nurse. Even though the patient lost their life, it seemed like mine was impacted and saved.

There is a theory that when one person loses their life, another life is born. Today is the day that I get re- baptized. I remember earlier in the night, i mentioned it to another patient and they told me how they could tell that Christ resided in my life.

With the patient I lost, I knew that Christ resided in their life as well. The light of Christ shined though their life and radiated. To me, it just becomes all full circle.

In the midst of it all, after the transfer to ICU, to the code they performed in a last attempt, it just all becomes surreal and real in the moment.

To my patient and their family, I am grateful that I was able to care for you. I know there is nothing I can say to bring you back but I just want you to know, the impact you had on my life will not be forgotten--ever.

On the eve of my baptism, as I transition from life to the next, I look forward to a life of even more clarity and without fear. I look forward to caring for patients in a way I never had before, and I look forward to doing everything and pushing more limits because I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

To my patient, I will see you again.

To you all who are reading this, thank you.

My life has been restored. Onward to my future.

I walk into a patients room, introduced myself and explained to him that I'll be his nurse. The next thing that came out of his mouth was "I'm sorry but you don't look old enough to be a nurse."

Granted, I don't look my stated age but don't disqualify me. Have you ever felt disqualified or judged due to your appearence? How about if you applied for a job, house, car, etc and were overlooked by the person due to how you presented yourself?

Whenever you think nurse, do you believe that we are managed by the doctors? Do you think the media portrays as accurately?

More importantly, do you believe everything you see? Do you believe in the quote "seeing is believing?"

I admit, there have been times in my life where I thought seeing is believing and have told others "well, I believe it when I see it". It was like I needed to have visual evidence to be validated. In all truth, did I deserve the validation? Answer: yes and no. I only deserve if the person providing me the validation is receiving the validation themselves. They should not give me the visual evidence to only satisify me.

So when the patient stated that I did not look 'old' enough to be his nurse, I had to agree but I validated him and myself when I stated "I know I don't look old enough but I'm more than qualified to work as one."

As far as nursing goes, no, we aren't just managed by doctors. We have a nurse manager, who is a nurse themselves, and manages us. Granted, we follow the doctors (and other health care professionals) orders but you'll be surprised with how much of your care is managed by us nurses.

Also, please don't believe everything you see in the media about nursing. My profession is more diverse and sophisticated than what the media may lead onto.

I would like to hear from you. Do you feel judged by how you look or what others may think because of what they see? Remember, not all seeing is believing. You do not know that person's struggle or what they went through to get to where they are.

Thank you for reading! See you next post!

Feel free to share on social media!

Always,

Barbara

Hello all!

First of all, I want to say THANK YOU! The initial response to my blog has been positive! The hopes and dreams I have for this blog are major and I want to take this time out and thank you for reading and supporting it! You all make it easier to do this and for me, it is the most fun I have had writing about something since high school. :) So, if you keep on supporting, I'll keep writing!

Last week, I had my mid year evaluation for my career. In a nutshell, my supervisor and I meet twice a year to evaluate my progress on the job and we set goals on what I can do to be better at my job. One part of it is your peers evaluating you on your job performance and if you are "living up to the values" of the job. These peer responses are submitted anonymously so you don't know who submitted what. When my supervisor and I came to this part of the evaluation, most of the comments were good and my peers agreed I was making the appropriate progress. However, one peer (it is always one...haha) commented that I was not a team player due to one incident that occurred. When my supervisor read this comment, she asked if I recalled when it happen. Me, sitting in her office dumbfounded, told her no. Now mind you, the review had being going great all along and this moment happens. It was like it was in a still moment of time.

In the end, she reviewed all the rest of comments, which were great and we concluded the evaluation. However, even after the evaluation, and after majority of it was positive feedback, I could not help but wonder who would make such a comment. It was like the person who made the comment was speaking about someone else instead of me. When the comment played over and over in my head, different thoughts plagued my mind..."who would say such a thing?" "Do they have something against me?" These thoughts began to manifest themselves into the supposed actions I, in my mind, would take. "Well....I'm going to find out.." And "I bet the person who said that is trying to cover up for something they did." Eventually, I told others about my evaluation and how that comment disturbed me. Then, I came to the realization..."Barbara, get out of your way!"

This is not the first this has happened to me. In fact, today while I was sitting in church and my pastor was preaching, something he said bought me to tears because it was such a big "a-ha!" moment. He was discussing how when we are talking to God in prayer and how we, as God's children, have to approach Him like he is our Father and ask for things. In the instant he said that, my thoughts immediately went to my dad and how he is always telling me if I need anything, to ask. My pastor then went on to explain how his daughter asked for money for her school books and she said "I hate to ask you this but..." My pastor's reply to his daughter was "I'm ok with you asking. I'm your father and when you ask, I will provide. It only breaks my heart when you ask and I can't provide for you."

These examples I point out show how my stubbornness and pride can get in the way of blessings and rewards that I can reap. It also shows how the lesson of an experience can be missed because I can focus on a miniature aspect of it instead of the whole concept. That's why I had to tell myself to get out of my own way. I cannot let minor things that happen to me affect my whole being.

With that being said, even though the comment that one person stated was negative, I cannot let it bring me down and let it effect me emotionally. Instead, I have to take it and prove that person wrong about me not being a team player. I also cannot let my pride rule me and not ask for things I need. I need to put more positive action into my being and get out of my own way instead of sulking in a bulk of negative emotion.

How about you? Are there some things you may be dealing with and you have to "get out of your own way" to prevent self destruction? In what ways are you learning how to deal with it? I will love to hear from you all on this! Feel free to comment!

I have a few days off this week so keep tuning in to see what I blog about next! Happy reading! Feel free to share on social media!

Learning how to get out of my own way,

Barbara ^_^

First of all, if you're reading this....THANK YOU! ^_^ I hope you find what I blog about entertaining, thought provoking, and inspiring so that you may go forth to do amazing things in your life.

The inspiration for this blog came when I was doing what the picture displays....cutting a pineapple. Funny how that works?! At that time in my life, I started my career at my dream place as a nurse, I was in a new city, and I was (and admit I still am) figuring numerous things in my life. Then it occurred....why not blog about it? I'm pretty certain that I'm not alone in these endeavors.

Secondly, I felt like my life was wrapped up in a title. While it's true that I love my profession and what I do, I am more than that...hence the name of my blog. Sometimes, I feel like I get trapped behind it and I admit, I use it as a security blanket at times but it's more to me than my profession.

Thirdly, I believe that there is a greater calling in my life than what my current situation depicts. While it is true that I am proud of what I have accomplished this far in my life, I honestly believe that my best days are in front of me and have not yet past. As I blog more, I hope you all will see this reason start to manifest in my writing.

So, there you have! My numerous reasons to starting a blog and how inspiration came from one task.

My promises to you:

1-I will keep this blog updated. In a time where information is being changed and updated also every second of every waking minute, I understand how important it is to be " in the know. " Therefore, I will make every attempt to update my blog with a posting at least 3 times a week. What days are you going to update you say? Well...keep checking in to see. Who knows? I may post something every day. :)

2. I promise to talk about a wide range of topics and not keep it focused on just my work life. As a nurse, I could easily write about my various encounters with patients, doctors, interns, residents, co-workers, etc. While that may occur on this blog, please do not expect it every post. That would defeat the title of my blog and honestly, I myself would not want to read about it every single post. I hope you all understand my point with this.

3. I promise to interact with you! Please feel free to share, comment, blog, tweet, text, etc. One of my hopes with this is to make it interactive and not just a one way thing.

Your promises to me (Come on?!....did you think you'll get off that easy?!)

1. If you do comment, share, tweet, etc...I do ask that you be respectful. I understand that in order to get respect, you have to give respect and I promise to do the same to you if you do it for me! I thank you kindly in advance! If I do find disrespectful comments, I will delete them...no exceptations!

2. Please don't hound me about posting. As I stated above, I will post at least 3 times a week but do understand I work 3, 12 hour shifts a week that can be intense, grueling, challenging yet also rewarding...(more about that in a future post)....

3. Most of all, the purpose of this blog is for entertainment yet I sincerely hope that you do gain a special insight of what nursing actually is (and not the crap you see on tv....more on that in later post) and the outside things outside of my life I do to give myself a balance. I do hope you enjoy my blog and visit it often! I promise to keep it fun, informative, and maybe inspirational!

Happy reading! Feel free to share this on your social media!

Always,

Barbara