Tap tap!

Does this thing still work?!

Sorry out there in blog land! I meant to write sooner but life caught up with me! Lets catch up?!

So I FINALLY got that promotion after 6 months! I officially got promoted at the end of February. I'm so grateful I didn't give up on myself after the shut down from the first time. Persistence paid off this time (and God's grace and the fact He always has a plan even when I can't see it.)

Adam and I are approaching our first year together! I've decided to take quarterly vacations so our spring vacation begins in less than 4 hours! (Yay!)

Other than that, I've been working and contemplating the next move for Adam and I. I have ideas---like a ton of ideas. Hopefully by the end of this year, Adam and I will be on a new level and ready for the next adventure in our lives together.

I have learned so much about myself this year. Everything to who is truly there for me to learning how it feels to begin this new life and sharing it with the one I love. Its funny how certain people dropped off and who showed their true colors after I said "I do". It's a very different territory. At first, I was sad but in the end, it has truly worked out for the best. In this sense, I get to focus my husband and building our lives. It's kind of a exciting place to be.

Our foundation is built on Christ so on that alone, we can't fail. It's the stone the builders reject but I've read the book---we win in the end.

Well, I promise to update more--especially after I re-charge the batteries in my life.

3 good things
1-Vacation!
2-Approaching our first year
3-Hope to be in the market for a house soon!

With love <3,

Barbara

Hello everyone out there in blog land!

So, lets catch up?

What a year 2016 has been in so many ways! This is the time of year for this blog that I go on hiatus until February 2017 and frankly, I'm so ready for this year to be done with.

Other than my marriage, 2016 has been a bleak year for me. It's ironic that my pastor stated in the sermon last week that the theme he wanted to be for 2016 was war, which I feel that would be more in line with the year I had.

I had to war with many things this year. War against my finances and paying down debt. War against the health and well being of my loved ones. War against my faith and what I believe in.

It has been hellish but I'm still standing! If that's the testimony I have for this year--so be it. I cried, prayed, and fought like hell to be the woman I am now. No turning back.

For the new year, I am preparing for it now. I am getting my goals in order and starting to work behind the scenes. This brings me to what I am titling the Passion Project.

The Passion Project is going to be an extension of outreach to people around me. This includes my family, friends, co-workers, and people I see on the street. Each month, I will focus on a group and/or theme to complete the passion of the month.

I'm not sure of anything else other than that, but I know I need your help. If you would like to be involved, please leave a comment. I will send out a questionairee in the coming weeks and we will go from there.

I am so excited to be working on this project for the new year. If what I am writing down seems exciting, then I'm sure 2017 is going to be a wonderful year!

Happy holidays to you and yours!

Three things-
1. going home for 10 year class reunion and christmas.
2. some days off to get organized and be out with 2016.
3. Spending time with loved ones and friends.

With love,
Barbara <3

Hello all!

I know I should of blogged a while ago,but so much has happened.

anywho, let's catch up!

The promotion I was hoping to get didn't go through. I've been contemplating whether or not to apply for it again in January. The process itself was exhausting and I've been scrambling my brain to see if it'll be worth another shot or not.

Ive also took into consideration this new life I've taken on. I've always wanted to be the best at whatever I was doing. Lately, I really want to be a great wife. It's more than just impressing Adam but because this relationship is the reflection of what it is for Christ to love the church and vice versa. I believe in our three fold marriage--God, Adam, and I. Career doesn't really fit into there.

Ive seen and heard where another person or thing gets into the way of ones marriage and ruins it. I'm starting to realize more and more how things that may have worked in my single life don't necessarily work in my married life. These habits, thoughts, patterns have no root now so I have to hack them off at the root now or God will so.

In this process of doing and being better, there will be new habits, processes, things, and people and the old ones have to die. I'm so ready for it to come and I'm excited for all that is for me. I'm learning that all God has for me is better than whatever I can imagine. And that's what I truly want, not anything substandard.

Happy September all! Hope you all will continue to follow me.

<3,
Barbara

Hello blog land!
 
It’s been a heck of a 2016 for me but now I can officially call myself Mrs. Spencer!
I married my best friend on May 29th. To be honest, all the planning, stress, etc. . . . . came and went.
I also turned 28 this year. What a birthday it was for me!
It has been 156 days of the craziest emotions this year. I know what it’s like to cry until you couldn’t cry anymore, to laugh without a care, to love so deeply, to feel so angry to tears, and to hurt like you’re the only one in the world.
I know you are probably thinking, “Well, everyone goes through those emotions.” That is true, at whatever stage in life that the person may be in. However, it’s like all of those emotion, thoughts, feelings, etc. were turned up a notch this year for me.
These vast range of feelings/thoughts/emotions have guided me into what I call unknown waters. Stepping into unknown waters can be tricky, especially when trying to navigating the ocean of life. The main thing to do is to not drown or sink under. In order not to drown, you need to know some basic survival skills. Let me explain.
In the middle/end of wedding planning, for whatever reason, I thought it’ll be a great idea to take a medical surgical certification exam. This exam was the second most expensive test I’ve took outside of my NCLEX. I needed to pass this exam in order to apply for a promotion I’ve been seeking for a while. Smart me, I brought a test review book but barely studied it. I had good intentions but my heart was not truly invested in it. I also waited until the last minute (which I recommend no one to do) to try to re-schedule but after talking to a test representative, it was too costly to do. Oh! By the way, did I mention that I was the sole financial provider during this time and paying off this juggernaut of a wedding? Stress level over 9000!
I talked it over with Adam, who frankly told me that I invested my money into this and that I should go through with it. He basically told me my pay equaled my say so everything (wedding, test, etc.) I vested in, I should through with. I admit, it’s not what I wanted to hear but needed to hear.
Long story short and reluctantly, I went in to take the exam.  In the end, I reasoned with myself, if I failed it, at least I’ll have an idea to know what to study for the next time. I just prayed to God that I did what I could do in a very short amount of time and I pleaded to at least try to guide me in the best way He saw put. I’m so glad I listened to the counsel of my husband. I went into the exam thinking “I’ve done this before.” It’s true! I passed my NCLEX on my first try and almost every single case study on the exam, I thought of all of the patients I’ve taken care of the past almost 3 years of my nursing career and applied the knowledge and skill to answer the questions. After nearly 3.5 hours of test taking, silently praying, and nervous movement in my seat, I finished the test and PASSED! I’m so grateful to God I passed because that exam and the NCLEX are two exams I never want to take again in this lifetime! So how does relate to walking in unknown waters?
 
First, even though I had no experience taking the med surg exam, I’ve had plenty of experience taking other nerve wracking exams. Thank you nursing school! Seriously, the one thing to survive the waters, you need to assess if you have been in a similar experience before. If so, apply those lessons, tips, tricks, etc. and see if it could help you. As I described in my test taking example, my prior patient experiences and NCLEX experience helped me get into the mindset to complete and pass the exam.
 
If you don’t have a previous experience to dwell on, seek counsel sooner rather than later. Don’t be like me and wait until it’s too late. If you do so early, you can get others to help you on your quest.
Lastly, remember that if it’s not okay, it isn’t the end. If it’s the end, it’s okay. If you start to tread and start to drown, you can start to float as long as you keep your head above water. Don’t give up or don’t give in. There have been plenty of times were I wanted to give up on the test and just click anything so it’ll be over, or just postpone or cancel the wedding because of my stupid mistakes but I’m so grateful I saw it to the end.  The wedding was beautiful, my groom and I were able to spend time with each other, and now, I’ve aligned myself in a good position to get promoted.
 
I hope you all will learn from these lessons of mine. I’m so grateful I am able to share with you all on this platform. I am hoping to start vlogging soon and I may re-launch my blog to do so. I will have more details coming soon!
 
Three things-

1. I’m a wifey!!
2. Coming out of the storm
3. Getting back on track!

To bigger, better, greater.
 
<3,
Barbara

Hello blogland!

I feel like Adam is not the only one in recovery, I am. This has been a busy last few weeks. Lets catch up!

Adam is doing so much better and is able to move his upper extremities better. He has a MD appointment next week which hopefully he'll be able to not have to wear the arm brace.

Wedding planning is coming to a close! There are 74 days until we say "I do!"

I've been working my tail off at work. For once, I'm grateful for the overtime but I am so dern tired. The end of March can't come soon enough.

I wanted to touch on the subject of the recovery process. The road to recovery actually starts when a patient gets admitted to the hospital. Discharge planning and patient education are imperative in order for the patient to have a successful recovery period. The recovery period can be long or short, all depending on the patient's condition--physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

In those 4 areas, I feel like its a cluster. Physically, I'm alright, mentally depends on the day, emotionally, I'm alright, and spiritually, I'm anchored. In fact, when I feel drained in the other three, it's the spiritual aspect that brings me back to life and refreshes me enough to continue forward. I try to not let myself get to spiritually spent.

Recovery is a process that everyone goes through. It would be silly to say that no one goes through it. All go through it whether it be recovering financially, spiritually, emotionally, mentally, and/or physically. We all lost some sort of balance in life and it is okay to find our way either back or even better than we were before.

One of the frequent questions I get asked by my patients is how long would the recovery process will be. I tell them to just take it a day at a time. If one tries to ingest it all in one go, it can be overwhelming. However, it should go like the proverb states, how to eat an elephant? One bite at a time.

I would love to hear from you all! What are you recovering from? If you have recovered, what was your process like?

Feel free to share on social media!

3 good things:
1. 74 days to go!
2. Pay day on Friday!
3. March Madness begins soon! Maybe I'll win the bracket pool this year!

Love to you all,
Barbara <3 :)

Hello blogland!

I'm back! Consecration was wonderful! I learned so much from stepping away and tuning into God's voice. I also started some personal projects and developed some goals and plans for 2016. I'm looking forward to see those plans and goals manifest into something great! I'll keep you all posted.

2016 also took me into an unexpected place. On a Monday night in February, I experienced something that frankly I thought I'll experience once I got admitted to the hospital to deliver my child or later in life when Adam and I were older. Not the case.

I happened to check my phone and saw a disturbing text message. My fiancee was involved in a pedestrian hit and run accident. He was in the ER. Fortunately for me, I was already at work and able to immediately be at his side. Long story short, he was admitted, had surgery to repair a broken shoulder, and is now at home recovering.

I mentioned to him that I expected this to happen later in life, not so soon. It was surreal being on the other side, as the patient's family. Everyone that took care of him was wonderful. He mentioned himself that it was the best care he had received from the facility I work at. I was so grateful everyone treated him well.

Here's some advice if you find yourself being on the other side:

1. Let the professionals on duty do their job. Trust me, if the patient is going home, you are going to have more than enough time to be their nurse. In my opinion, there is nothing worse than someone who comes in being the "family chief health care professional" and wants to take over. My thing is this, if the patient didn't require hospital level care, they would have not been admitted.
2. Take a break and get much needed rest. Fortunately for me, I was able to coordinate with my fiancee's family and friends so I could take breaks from the hospital. That way, I was able to take a break away and shower and refresh. That is essential so you can do your duty to care for that person. How can you care for anyone else if your needs aren't being met? Do yourself a favor and take those breaks. You don't miss an opportunity to pee at work when you can, right?
3. Say thank you. You better than anyone knows how this job can be thankless. Thank your nurse, NA, doctor, etc. for a job well done, especially if the care is exceptional.

Let me hear from you! Have you been "on the other side" and been the patient/patient's family? I would love to hear about your experiences!

3 things-
1. My dad is coming to visit soon!
2. Valentine's weekend!
3. Even though it is not what we expected, it is nice to come home to Adam daily. =)

Feel free to share on social media!

<3,
Barbara

Happy Holiday Season Everyone!

Hope you get to spend as much time as you can with your loved ones and friends. To me, that is what the holiday season is about. :-)

I know I should of been blogging a few months ago but life has been hectic. Between planning a wedding, getting a promotion at work, and balancing out time for others and myself, it has been a whirlwind. I have described it as a roller coaster with those closest to me. 

2015 has been an up and down year for me. For starters, my engagement changed things in my household. What was a "me" thing is becoming a "we" thing. I remember sitting in my nurse managers office during our annual review time and telling her that the only thing that was changing on my end was that I was getting married. Little did I know, it was a major change, and I only shrugged it off as a no big deal thing. 

A few months ago, I found myself sitting in the doctors office with weird aches, pains, and overall not feeling physically well. Little did I know, I was having a panic attack. I have never experienced that before in my life. I thought other medical issues where going on. I couldn't believe it and felt like an idiot when the doctor came in and asked what other stressors where going on in my life. I had been caught up in the midst of things, trying to internalize everything that what it ended up doing was making me physically ill. 

It was then that I realized that I had to change. I knew I couldn't stay the same person and expect everything to be okay. Not only did I have to change for myself, but for Adam, my family, friends, and the patients who depend on me. I know a panic attack is not the best thing in the world but for me, if I didn't experience it, I would have not had the courage to change. The panic attack was a blessing in disguise. 

I found a few things a while ago that I wrote down in previous years that were goals for whatever year I was in or coming into. To my surprise, everything I wrote down, I accomplished in that year. So to get "back to the basics" so to speak, I wrote down specifically goals I want to accomplish for 2016. I am also thinking about a new project for this blog and to collaborate with my hubby to be, Adam. I am so excited to share this new chapter with you all. Ultimately, I am hoping that it will start to generate and grow for 2016.

I am looking forward to 2016 in a major way. I hope you are too and are being intentional about the goals you are setting for yourselves in the new year. Happy Holidays once again. I will see you all in February for a new year of blogging and new adventures!

With all the love my heart can hold, 
<3
Barbara 

I've had numerous conversations with others about this topic. My fiancé often tells me that one of the most powerful gifts God gave was free will. What does it mean?

It means an unprecedented power like no other. True freedom of choice. A freedom to create your own destiny, way of life, etc. What may be powerful to you is going to look different than what may be powerful to others.

I had the oppourtunity to be whatever I want to be in life--I still do. To me, becoming a nurses was something that I focused on until the dream became a reality. Now that the dream is accomplished, I can create something more or less--it is up to me. How enormous is that?

The funny thing about power is the responsibility of it all. Whatever you decide to do with it, you must be willing to face all of the costs and benefits of it. Whatever decision you made is going to have rewards and consequences. However, let the benefits outweigh the risks.

Don't let your power escape from you. It's truly sad when one doesn't recognize the power that they have and squander it away. Make up in your mind that you have the power and no one will take that away from you. People will ridicule you and try to talk you out of what you are destined to do--don't let it happen. Pursue whatever dream you have in your heart, mind, and soul and pursue it.

As the picture states, YOU create YOUR own oppourtunities.

3 things-

1. Wedding planning

2. Picking out the engagement photos

3. Finally able to precept

Much love to you all! Feel free to share on social media!

<3,

Barbara

Hello blog land!

I've been wanting to get this blog out for the longest--I finally have the time!

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My engagement happened last Thursday. It was subtle, sweet, and to the point. I knew it was coming but I didn't know when. He took me by surprise.

How appropriate that June's topic is relationships and this happened! :-)

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The most important relationships I have are with God, my fiancé, my family, my friends, co-workers, and patients. It is important to also establish a good relationship with yourself.

Lately, I have been struggling with maintaining the relationships between myself, them, and Him--thus the title of this blog. I cannot pinpoint an exact time when it happened but I know for sure that my mood and attitude about things were affecting my relationships. It started when I lost myself in doing things--disappearing and hiding behind anything to avoid it. My fiancé kept on asking why couldn't I be happy and I could not give an answer. It was devastating to know that the one person you love so much is trying their best to help but you can't make out the words to even acknowledge them nor do you have the attitude to care.

Yesterday, I got an email devotional that shook me to the core and broke me down to tears. In summary, the email pointed to the fall from grace with Adam and Eve. God asked Adam "where are you?" Adam, knowing that he sinned, hid away from The Lord ashamed. Adam also covered himself and Eve in leaves to hide away their nakedness. The writer of the devotional, in conjunction with the bibilical story, also told a story of a beautiful blonde she sat next to when she spoke at a conference. The writer felt she could not compete and was envious of the woman due to her beauty status. When it was the writers turn to speak, the writer spoke truthfully about her experience of brokenness and redemption, all due to God's grace. When the writer finished speaking, she was shocked to know that the beautiful blonde she was sitting next to was covering up a botched suicide attempt. Due to the writer's speech and truth, she was able to shine and help others heal. The writer nor the beautiful blonde had to hide anymore because they both acknowledged that God's grace covers them and the price had already been paid. Adam knew he fell away but still God covered them with animal skin.

I realized yesterday that God covers me and He wants me--the true, authentic me--not someone who hides in false pretenses to make it seem like everything is okay. When God asked Adam "where are you?", God wanted Adam to evaluated what he was doing and if he was truly in that moment--not an explanation of why as Adam gave him.

I say all of this to point out the reason why I was hiding behind whatever mask I could find was due to the failings I saw in myself. At the beginning of my relationship with my fiancé, everything was going well because I was in tuned with myself and God. I had a fairly good idea of what I hoped my life was going to turn out. What happened later on, I stopped being to tuned into myself and what God was trying to convey to me. To be honest, I just went through the motions at everything I did. I found that what was once satisfying was becoming a chore and I found it harder to encourage myself to do. Thankfully, due to that email, I can't allow myself to continue to hide behind masks and expect to be ok. I have to live my life authentically--not just for my sake, but for the sake of others who I'm so blessed to encounter day in and day out.

How great is it to know that I work a profession where I have the opportunity to help people heal. However, I have to be healed and take care of myself in order to be the best nurse I can be to my patients. The same can be applied so I can be the best fiancé, daughter, etc. I can be.

In closing, if you find yourself hiding behind masks to keep up with life-stop. First, acknowledge that you have a problem. Secondly, evaluate the relationships in your life. The most important one is to see how are you treating the higher power in your life. If it poorly, that is an indicator that something needs to change. Chances are--you are the one who fell away. Third, be prepared to answer the where are you question. Think of what is hindering you from the quality relationships you had. Lastly, change and repent. For me, I had to apologize then I changed my actions and behaviors. I can't live a fake life and expect full blessing and favor.

Make sure you are taking care and loving YOU! You cannot expect anyone to love you authentically if you can't do it for yourself.

Thank you for taking the time to read this! Feel free to share on social media.

3 things-

1. My engagement--let the planning begin!

2. The happy news going around on my mom's side of the family-simply, everything new.

3. Happy news from my close friend--congrats to you! Can't wait to help you out!!

Love to you all!

<3 Barbara

Hello blog land!  

At the rate I am posting it seems like I am posting once a month. Haha! That’s not intentional but its more due to the ebb and flow of life.  

This month’s topic is on perseverance. If you remember, I blogged about the events that occurred on my 25th birthday and how the events of my life allowed me to persevere onto the new events happening in my life. I overcame that area in my life. This year, I have taken on new ventures that I’ll believe I have persevere though.

There are so many things I’ll like to achieve. I am big on goal setting for myself. In fact, I ran into this problem before I graduated from nursing school. I didn’t know where my life would be like after nursing school. It took up so much of my time that I felt like I had to replace it with something. That something turned into someone. That someone turned into a relationship I really didn’t have any business being in. However, I can’t say I regretted it. After all, I learned from it my self-worth and took those bricks my ex tried to hurl at me and build a better, stronger, foundation for myself.

Romans 8:28 in the bible, paraphrased, talks about ALL things working together for the good for those who love God. I believe that everything that intended to hurt me worked out for my greater good. I saythat to conclude that I know I’ll have some preserving to do in order to achieve the next goals for my life. I look forward to using those bricks that were thrown at me to take me out to work and build a foundation that won’t sink in sand.

I would love to hear from you all! What things did you persevere over? What bricks are you looking forward to use to build a better foundation?

3 things

• 1. Seeing and spending time with loved ones on my birthday.
  
• 2. Doing the things I love on my birthday.

• 3. Taking the time to reflect on a year and looking forward to what lies ahead of me.
  

Feel free to share on social media!

<3,

Barbara